A Juggling Act

I love my job.  I really do.  And I think I'm pretty good at it.  Sure, there's stress (which my type A personality can compound at times) but usually after a couple of weeks, I fall into a groove and things run pretty well.  There will be certain times where things get hectic and I have to put in a few more hours or bring work home, but after having kids, I'd started to find a better balance between teaching (job) and home.

I had always dreamed of being a stay at home mommy.  However, when Mikaela was born, living in our current home without my income just wasn't feasible so I worked.  We were so fortunate to find a sitter who has basically become a member of our family and who (or whom?) my children love dearly.  So when Nicholas came along, I made a choice to continue working.  I wanted to.  I knew I had great care for my kiddos while I was at work and I continued to love what I do.

Last year was tough.  Adjusting to life with two, having an infant and all that entails (sleepless nights, nursing, etc), losing a co-worker that I depended on so much for daily support and friendship, taking on an extra work responsibility (which was great, but scary) made me think many times that I needed to call it quits.  But I didn't.

The students kept me going, even when they frustrated me with their drama, or challenged me to find that way to reach them, to help them understand, to finally master that concept or skill.  So I signed on for another year.  Genuinely excited about this coming year.

The first couple of weeks bring stress and hectic life always.  There's no getting around that.  Any teacher (or family member of a teacher) can relate.  But like I said before, you fall into a groove and things go okay.

However, with each passing year, the demands of what we are supposed to do just keep getting higher and higher.   It's no longer enough to show up, teach good lessons, file the correct paperwork and leave at the end of the day.  

As I danced in the living room with my kids tonight, I thought, "Are the demands of my job, the things that make me spend extra time away from these two worth it?"  And I honestly struggle with the answer.

I LOVE my job.  I LOVE my students.  I LOVE seeing them laugh and learn.  I LOVE watching them figure things out, ask questions, rise to my expectations because they do.  All. The. Time.  Even when there are those frustrating moments, they still make me smile and remind me why I do this.

But when 4 o'clock comes (okay so it's really more like 4:15 - 4:30), I NEED to be done at work.  Because there are two little ones waiting for me at home who deserve my attention, time, love, and energy.   I only get them for a little while and I can't waste a second of it.

But having my evenings and weekends for family is becoming less and less of a reality, or at least that's how I feel now with added demands in my job.  So, I have some thinking and praying to do.